ThetwoupsamefloatingbakandPottergrabbedhisasswiftlyandelegantlyashealwayshadwiththeSnith.MaybeitwasatestamentofadulthoodthatDraoouldfinallyadmitthatwithoutgrindinghisteeth.Althoughhewasstillonvinedtheword‘elegant’hadnopeanywherenearPotter.
Draowathedashedrankhisoffeepensively,hisexpressionturningmoreserious.
“Afterthewar—”
Ohno.
“—Ididn’treallyknowwhattodo.BeominganAuror…itwassomethingthatseemedrightatthetime,youknow,wheneverythingwasfallingapartaroundme.Thethingis,everythingkeptfallingapart,buttherewasnomorewar.Ihadnoideahowtodealwiththat.”PotterputdownhisupandfromwhatDraoouldsee,hestartedwringinghishandsinhisp,hiseyesfixedonthetable.“AssoonasIstartedtraining,IrealisedIwasn’tgoingtobehappythere.But…Ididn’twanttodisappointanyone.”
“Disappoint?”Draoehoed,furrowinghisbrows.“Asifyououlddoanythingto—”
“That’sexatlythepoint,”Potteried.“Peoplehavethisideaofme,thisimagetheyreated,basedonwhatIdidtodefeatVoldemort,wheninreality…”Potterpressedhislipstogether.Itlookedpainful.“NomatterwhatIdo,itwillalwaysbeadisappoi.Itwillneverbegoodenough.Like,anyouimaginewhatwouldhappenifIstartedtellingpeopleI’mnotbeominganAuroranymore?Thepubliwouldgomad!Andthenthere’sotherpeople,likeMGonagall.”Heletoutasigh.“Infifthyear,shevowedtodoeverythinginherpowertohelpmegetthatjob,andshedid.Whatdoyouthinkshe’sgoingtosayifItoldherallhereffortswerefornothing?But…Ijustouldn’tgoonlikethat.”
“Soyou’rebasiallylyingtoeverybody?”
Potter’sfaetwistedandittookamomentbeforeheslowlynodded.
“DoGrangerandWeasleyknowaboutthis?”Draoasked.
“They…TheyknowI’monsabbatial.Wetalkedaboutitafewtimes,andtheywerereallyuanding,but…”
“You’reworriedyou’lldisappointthem,too?”
Potterlookedup,hisfaepalerthanusual.“It’snotlikethatwiththem.Iknowthey’llsupportmenomatterwhat.Ijust—It’ssohard,expiningittothem.”
Thefollowingsilenefeltsopregnantwithmeaning,itwasstifling.Potter,openinguplikethat,showingDraoallhisvulnerabilities…Hehadnoideahowtoproessthat.
“Whyareyoutellingmethis?”heaskedarefully.
“Youasked,”Pottershrugged.
“Notreally.”
“Look,Drao,it’snotlikeIenjoytalkingaboutthesethings,Ijust—Theothers…Theydon’treallygetit.Imean,wealllostpeople,sotheyuandthegrief,but…Ijustfeltlostafterthewar,andmyfriends…theydidn’treallyuandwhatitwaslikeforme.”
“Oh?”WasPotterimplyingDraowoulduand?Hedidn’tknowhowhefeltaboutthat.
“Yeah,”Pottermurmured.“Theydidn’tseemtohavethatmuhtrouble,findingtheirpe.Meanwhile,I’mstillstrugglingeverydaytojust…keepittogether.”