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“Areyoualright?”Harrylooksonerned.“Or,Imean,arewealright?BeauseLunasaidthatyouseemsad,andI’velearnedthatLunaisnormallyrightaboutthings.”

DraothinksaboutthehouseinLondon,abouttheworrythat’smadeahomeinhisstomah.Hethinksabouthowheisafraidtoleavewhatheisomfortablewith,howGrimmauldPewasnotahomebutitfeelsliketheirs,liketheybothhaveanequalshare.HethinksabouthowworriedheisthathewillalwaysbeinHarry’sdebt,nomatterhowmuhtheyloveeahother,beauseyouannotbesavedbysomeoneandnotfeelabitlikeyoumustmakeituptotheminanywayyouan,andhowmuhhedoesnotwantthathangingoverhisheadfortherestofhislife.

ButhealsothinksaboutLavender,abouttheirsars,herinsistenethattheirsisaburninglove,thatthereareworsewaystogothanoutinafshoffireandmaybehowitisworthit,thatthey’llgetpastthosethings,beausetheyloveeahotherandmaybeitsstrongerthanthismessthattheworldhasleftthemin.

(Maybe.Mostlikely.Butthathadnotmatteredthenightbefore,whenhepakedallhislotheswithawaveofhiswandandgotreadytosneakoutofthehousewithoutwarningjustbeauseitwouldhurtless,butheouldonlygethalfwaydownthestairsbeforeheturnedaroundandrawledbakintobed,shouldersheavingwithsilentsobs,hottearsstreamingdownhisfaeanddrippingdownintothesheets.)

“OfourseIam.”HeknotshisfingersinthefabriofHarry’sshirt.“We’regolden.”

Chapter39

Harry

Whenhewasyounger,lokedinthatupboardunderthestairsandwifhewouldevergetout,thinkingonlyofthefootstepsreakingoverhisheadandthespiderstremblingontheeiling.Hehadnowaytotraktimeotherthanthehungerpainsrinhisstomah,andhewashungryallthetimebakthen,sowhentheDursleyshadallleftforsomefamilyoutingandHarrywasleftinthere,aloneinthedark(thiswas,ofourse,beforetheyaddedthelightbulb),itwasliketheooftimedidn’texistatall.

Liketherewasnotime,justthis,thisyellowed,lumpymattressandhistoobigjeansandthedoorwiththesplintersfromthetimehehadlosthisheadandtriedtowhiswayoutintothehallway(hisfingershadbledformonthsafter),likehewasexistinginabkhole,somepewherenoonewouldhearhissreams,whereifhehaddiedlikeVernonkeptaskinghimtodo,noonewouldeverevenknowheexisted.

(LikeShrodinger’sCat,Hermionehadtoldhim,one,intheirsixthyear,whenshefinallyaskedthequestionsabouthislifeinthemuggleworldthatsheandRonhadbeendyingtoknowandhehadtoldher,theworryandthefearandtheneverendingpainbleedingoutofhiminonelongrushofanexpnation,likeyouexistandyoudon’tatthesametime,beauseuntilthatdooropened,therewasnothingbutyourownmindtodeide,nosensoryinputtoremindyouthatyouarealive,andhehadstaredather,dumbstruk,beforesayingyes,yes,thatwasitsogdthatithadbeenputintowordsthatmadesomesortofsense.)

T

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