Thethingabouttheartileisthatit’sshowingthewholeworldapartofthemselvesthattheyhaven’tevensatdownandtalkedabout,onlyedaround,likeit’safmethat’sfuntohasebutwouldburnthemiftheygottoolose.Draodoesn’twanttobetheonetobringitup,butitseemslikeherdoesHarry,sotheyjustgoabouttheirday,andthewholetimethatartileisinthebakofDrao’smind,makinghimthinkthattheyreally,reallyshouldtalk.
Andalsothatmaybetheyshouldn’ttalk,beauseiftheystarttalkingthentheyweregoingtoometoanunavoidableonlusion:thatmaybetheWithWeeklydywasright,andthey’rejustpushingofftheiable,andthateveryonearoundthemknowswhattheyarebothsodesperatelytryingtogetawaywithnottalkingabout,beausethey’reafraidthatoneofthemwillwanttowalkaway.Butatthispoint,wheretheyewitheahotherinfrontofeveryoneandshareabedandspendmostoftheirtimewitheahother,maybeit’smorestupidthananythingelsetogoonthinkingthattheydon’thavefeelingsforeahother.
Andthenwhat,Drao?Thevoiepopsupagain,andDraotriestoquietit,hereallydoestry,hehatesthevoieandwhatitsaysandthethingsitmakeshimthinkabouthimself,andhehatesitevenmorebeausewhenhetakesastepbaktolookatthingsobjetively,it’snotlikeitswrong.It’sonlytellingthetruththateveryoneelseistoopolitetosay.Yougoonadateandeverything’sgoodforaday,oraweek,oramonth,butthenyougetinafightandherememberswhoyouare,whatyou’vedone,andtheminuteyoufindyourselfinaellinAzkabanandevenworsethanyoustarted.Youan’tfoolyourselfthatanyonewouldhavearedaboutyouifHarrydoesn’t.
Whihisthetruth,andalsowhyhean’tbethepersontotalkaboutit.Hean’tbeausehe’safraid,andbeauseeventhoughheloveshim,eventhoughhe’sfairlysureHarryloveshimbak,DraohastolivewiththefatthatheishereandfreeallbeauseofHarry,thatthisisadebthewillneverbeabletopaybak,andthatheshouldbeonhiskneesgrovelingforhisfiveness,thathehasnorighttoevenexist.Ifheweretotakeahane,itmightbefineforawhile,butafewmistakesdowntheroadandthisnieprotetionthatHarryhasgivenhimwillgoupinsmokelikeit’snoteventhere.HeisfreewithHarry’sblessing,andnothingmore,andnomatterwhatDraohadthoughtbeforeorhowmuhlessthreateningAzkabanisnowthatitksdementors,heannotgiveupfreedomnowthathehasasensetoknowwhatitmeans.
Sohereadsthepaperinstead.
AbouthowHarryandGinnybrokeup,onlytoberepedbyLunadaysterintheaftermathofthewar.AboutthesenteninghearingandhowHarrystoodup,whihstartedawholeotherartilespeutingaboutwhethertheyhadbeentogetherbeforethat,maybeevenbakattheirHogwartsdays,andsomekidshehadnevertalkedtowormedtheirwayintoaminuteoffametotellthepressthatitwasdefinitelyapossibility,whih,hello,Harryalmostkilledhimintheirsixthyear,anditwasn’tevenonaident.Thenitgoesontotalkaboutthepestheyhadbeensightedtogetherandhowstnightwastheirfirstrealpublian,andbytheendofit,Draoouldalmostbeonvinedofithimself.
Hewantstobeonvinedofit.
Hewantsittobereal,wantsitinawaythatmakeshimahe,andjustforamomentashelosesthepaper,hethinksthatAzkabanannotbeworsethanthis.
What’sthepointofpyingitsafeifyouneverlearnwhatitfeelsliketoburn,anyways?
Theystillsleeptogether.
Draohadbeenafraidtheywouldn’t,andsineitisoneofthedaysthattheysleepinHarry’sroom,itisuptoDraotodeidewhetherornothewillbebraveenoughtotry.HeknowsthatHarrywillbekindaboutit,makeanexuseaboutwantingtostayupteorhavingaheadahe,butbothofthemwillknow,andDraodidn’twanttofaethat.Hestandsoutsidehisroomforawhile,longenoughthatthetikingofhislokisstartingtodrivehiminsane,butthenheshiftshisweightandtheboardsreakunderhisfeetandheknowsthatitispointlesstokeepwaiting,sineHarryknowsheisthereanyways.