Thereseemedtobeanemphasisonthewordeveryone,butHarrydeideditwasimagined.Still,thewordheldweight.
Hewasn’ththelifetheyhadallowedhimbylosingtheirs.Hewaswallowing.Heknewhewaswallowing.Andtheworstpartofitallwasthatsomepartofhismindfeltthatheouldjustifyit.HeknewSiriuswouldn’twanthimtowallow.Hisparentswouldn’twanthimto,norwouldFred,norwouldTonksorLupin.Andshouldn’tthatbeenough?Butthenagain,whatwouldDraoMalfoywant?WouldheliketoseeHarrysulkingbeauseofhim?Perhapshewouldsmirkandsay“Ah,Potter,Ineverknewyouared,”inthatinfuriatingbutsowellpratiedpatronizingtoneofhis.Andthen,whenHarrythoughtofmovingon,heouldonlyimaginethewoundedlookonMalfoy’sfae,theonethathewantedyoutothinkwaspretendbutwasreallymorelosetothetruththanhearedtoadmit.Andinaftvoie,whihwasalwaysworseomingfromMalfoy(hisaiditywas),hewouldsay“Sosoon,Potter?Careful,orpeoplewillthinkyou’rehappyaboutit.”
Harrywastrying.HewastryingtoonvinehimselfthatMalfoywouldn’tareatall.Anditwasn’tsosoon.Ithadnearlybeenfouryears.Everyone,evenMalfoy’sownmother,seemedtobefaringbetterthanHarry.
“Ifyououldtellme,”MGonagallinterruptedhisthought,“beforetheendofthisterm,Iwouldappreiateit.JustsoIanfindarepementshouldyourefuse,orsoyououldstartyourstudiesshouldyouaept.Ibelievetherearestillsomelessonpnsleftinthessroomfrompreviousteahersshouldyouneedreferene,althoughIwouldbegyoutorefrainfromusingtoomanyofLokhart’s.IknowLupinleftafew,aswell,whihIthinkIwouldene.”
Harrynodded,feelingabitoverwhelmed.
“IwasalsourgedbyHagridtoremindyouthathewouldbehappytoseeyouagain.Evenofferedtobakeyouabirthdayakethisyearshouldyoubeonthegrounds,”MGonagalladded,andwiththistherewasagleamofmishiefinhereye.
Itwashalfpastoneinthem.Harryhadfallenintoaterriblesleeppattern,spendingmostofhistimealone,whihhefoundwaseasiertodowhennooneelsewasawaketobotherhim.Tonight,hefeltlikehewouldratherliketosleep,butithadbeomeanimpossibility.Hogwartshadalwaysbeenmoreofahometohimthananyotherpehehadlived,evennow,havinglivedatGrimmauldPeforseveralyears.Buttheageoldphrase“youannevergohomeagain”rangthroughhisheadattheprospetofreturning.Andintruth,heouldn’t.Hewouldreturnthistimeasateaher,notastudent.Mostofthepeoplethatmadeithomeweregone,aswell.Dumbledorewouldnotbethere,outsideofhisportrait.herwouldanyoftheWeasleys,orHermione,or—histrainofthoughtsputteredtoastop.OrDrao.HewasmildlyarmedthatMalfoywasinludedinthelistofpeoplethatmadetheastleahome,asformostofhislifehehadregardedhimwiththesamedistasteashehadDudley,butevenmoreso,hewasstartledbytheworditself.Hehadthought“orDrao.”Fullstop.Period.Heknewformalitydidn’tmatterinhisownmind,buthehadneverbeenDraotoHarry.Harryhadneveroneeventhoughttorefertohimbyhisfirstname.Hewasn’tentirelysurehehadeverevensaiditaloudonitsown.
“Drao,”hewhispered,barelyanoise,yetalltooloudinhisquiethouse.Thewordfeltoddinhismouth.Hishesttightenedinexpliablyandhefoughttheurgetory.Heshookhishead,tryingtolearthefeeling.
Heametoadeision.Heouldnotbesatathome,alone,whisperingadeadboy’snameinhiskithen.Surely,afewmonthsmoreofthisandhewouldbeompletelymad.
HejotteddownanoteandwhistledforBo?tes,whoheheardrufflehisfeathersintheotherroomandthenameflyingthroughthedoorway.
HetiedthenotetoBo?tes’sleg,thenstoppedtosraththetopofhisowl’shead.
“Takethisto,MGonagall,wouldyou?Maybetakealookintheowlerywhileyou’rethere.You’llbespendingquitealotoftimethereIimagine,”hemurmured,slippingBo?tesatreat.
Maybeitwastrue.Maybeheouldnevergohome,buthell,ifhewasn’tgoingtotry.
Chapter3
“DidItellyouMr.PotterwillbereturningtoHogwarts?”MGonagallaskedasually,sippingherteaatherdesk.